Life is a bitch!......or is it?

19 Aug 2018

You get a devastating diagnosis! You lose someone you love! A long term relationship breaks down! You get into financial difficulty! Life is a bitch!

 

This is what I truly believed for a while, how can life be fair when my Dad was going to be taken from me at 58 years old, from a truly vile disease. I was sad, I was angry, I was bitter! I posted a status on facebook reflecting this, using the term 'Life is a bitch!' It may have been in response to this or purely a coincidence, but someone I know posted something saying 'Life is not a bitch, life is a gift!'

 

This initially riled me up a little bit, but it also got me thinking, and I realised that he was right! Life is a gift! We will all be thrown hurdles along the way, some more devastating than others, but between those hurdles beautiful things can happen. Since Dads diagnosis I feel I have changed.....a lot! And will probably continue to do so. Seeing how quickly life can change, and how life can end very prematurely, it makes you re-evaluate a few things. I have always struggled with self confidence, and worry too much about what people think of me. Guess what, I literally couldn't give a monkeys what anyone thinks of me now. My thought process now is that I have more important things to worry about now rather than what people think of me. I wouldn't say my confidence has grown as such, but I don't now consider other peoples thoughts before I decide to do anything, its quite liberating! 

 

Setting up this business is also new territory! I went to a an event the other week, knowing it was going to be full of really fit and buff people. I was anxious about being judged, because I don't really fall into that category (Felt really weird being anxious about this, as it was a Mental Health Awareness event!). I expressed my concerns to my husband, he said to me 'why does being fit and buff make them any better than you?' Having his words in my head when I went in made me whole day so much better! And turned out it was a fantastic group of people, who all had their own demons and issues to deal with. 

 

My Mum and Dad had been planning for years that once they retired they would go to Canada and ride the train around the Rocky Mountains. They kept putting it off until they had the time. And now they will never get to go! This is one thing I will plan to do in the future in my Dads memory. But it just shows that if you want to do something, do it now! Why wait! Time will pass regardless of what you do in that time, so make every minute count!!! Make your bucket list and start ticking things off!

 

I have made a lovely friend during Dads illness, she lost her husband 21 months ago to the same awful disease, and has two beautiful children. She inspires me so much, as despite her losing her husband at such a young age, and her children losing their Dad, they live their life to the full and look for the best in every situation. I am sure they have their private moments of sadness often, but they are making the most of life. 

 

Through this god awful cancer journey, I have met so many lovely people, both in real life and virtually through these challenges. Each and every one of them have been through their own struggles, and each and every one of them are trying to live life, make a difference and be happy. I will never say that anything good has come from my Dads illness, but I am happy to have met some amazing, supportive people. I know these challenges have helped others too, getting their mojo back for fitness, having a focus through a tough time, and just having someone to talk to in the private groups. 

Yes life can definitely be a bitch! But be grateful for the health you have, the people that love you and don't take anything for granted. Do the things you always wanted to do, visit the places you want to visit and don't let the thought of others opinions stop you from doing anything. Above all, be kind! You don't know what people are going through behind those smiles. I know this may be easier said than done, and my views may change considerably once Dad has passed, but whats the alternative? Depression and anxiety may take over your life. Its okay not to be okay, but do your best to help yourself in any way possible 

 

 

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